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Subject:*plasters another victim*
Time:12:58 am
The Labster: yeah, i know. we never really talk either.
Arias Natina: that's just cause i don't like talking
Arias Natina: people wonder why i don't call very much
Arias Natina: i just hate sitting there all uncomfortable cause i don't have anything to say. yete evryone insists upon me calling them anyways
The Labster: well, i hardly ever talk to margaret. she isn't good on the phone
The Labster: you're more of an action person?
Arias Natina: not really
Arias Natina: im more of a sit there and observe then keep my observations to myself type of person
Arias Natina: im anti-social
Arias Natina: im socially and emotionally inept
Arias Natina: only thing im good at is thinking too damned much
The Labster: in high school, margaret was declared "the leader of an anti-social" group by the administration
Arias Natina: eh?
Arias Natina: that is so odd
The Labster: see, it's all about thinking a lot, and then deciding that other people should think like you. and trying to convince them. i get a lot of fun out of that. though i'm usually not very successful
Arias Natina: you know, any "group" of people that assemble themselves in any way, and intereact with eachother in any way, and have any sort of set of "rules" for conduct bewteen eachother is by definition "social"
The Labster: yeah. that's what we thought
The Labster: it was after Columbine. people started freaking out
Arias Natina: and, i think it's kinda wrong to want to get others to think like me and try to convince them. i don't think it's special or worth while if they don't already think like me from the get-go
The Labster: then again, she was The Empress.
The Labster: it's a game we play at university, trying to convince others
The Labster: i don't seem to have any fundamental moral differences from you, which really just astounds me
Arias Natina: i know so much about interactions and human nature. unfortunately, the more i study and the more i know, the more I hate human beings.
The Labster: huh. the more i study humans, the more i think i suck at interacting with them, and the more i hate myself
Arias Natina: the more i feel imprisoned in this shell of a body and brain. the more that i feel like my sould is trapped in transit.
Arias Natina: hmm, i ditto that
Arias Natina: but i hate myself for a different reason than not being able to interact...
The Labster: i think your shell is pretty hot. but i understand how you feel.
The Labster: what is that reason?
Arias Natina: it's the fact that i own so many "human" traits and am so conflicted by my true nature and human nature
Arias Natina: so when i act like a damned human, it makes me hate myself because I hate human beings and human nature
The Labster: oh yeah. that. there's a lot about that in christian theology -- acting like a citizen of heaven or a citizen of earth
Arias Natina: and it's all because i have the damnedest trouble escaping my biology, societal programming and what not
The Labster: transcendence is hard.
Arias Natina: yup yup
Arias Natina: my brain infects my soul
The Labster: whoa. that throws me for a loop
Arias Natina: when i dream and escape to other realities, i am no longer bound by my brain
Arias Natina: and i am perfectly sound in every way
The Labster: i envy you. i can't escape that way.
The Labster: not yet, anyway.
Arias Natina: the only thing in this reality that i am conscious of, is that it exists, is different, and i am another person in this reality.
The Labster: so stop. stop being a different person in this reality
Arias Natina: you see, when you spend as much time as i do with so much glory, freedom, and greatness, coming back here is all trhat much abhorrent
Arias Natina: but i don't know how to escape the bond between my soul and my brain. to be able to override all current controlling factors of my brain.
Arias Natina: to be able to re-write it's contents
Arias Natina: to be able to control every segment of it and find that headspace where my sould does all the thinking and controlling of my body
The Labster: there has *got* to be an easier way than reincarnation
The Labster: let me think it over. i might be able to come up with a way.
Arias Natina: i've been thinking it over myself for a very long time. the unfortunate thing is that i often have no desire to lift a finger to do anything
The Labster: happened to me this weekend
Arias Natina: any self imrovement as of late has come to a grinding and unpleasant halt
The Labster: i can always wish for you. give you a little bit of my spirit.
Arias Natina: my dreams go off in all these wild directions, and it is so easy to do whatever. that's because there, i have no dead weight or lack of motivation
Arias Natina: but i don't want anything from anyone
Arias Natina: unfortunately, my ego space is as big as a mountain and is filled in with something or other the size of an aquarium
The Labster: i know. i can just see the glory and greatness in you, and i think that you're due something
The Labster: fishes!
Arias Natina: so, i have a deire to take all credit for my accomplishments, and thus no get any help. cauise help means im weak, incapable, and in the end not fully responsible for any advancements
The Labster: getting help means you're strong enough to ask
Arias Natina: i don't feel im due anything, except the acceptance of what i wish to do, including pushing evryone away for a the time being.
The Labster: you don't need to be fully responsible. you need to advance.
Arias Natina: so i need to advance by any reasonable means necesary?
Arias Natina: eh, i don't know how to be that way, yet
The Labster: you don't have to go alone. that's pride
Arias Natina: oh, i am guilty of massive amounts of pride, in a bad way.
Arias Natina: i'm guilty of at least 2 deadly sins. pride and pretty much sloth
The Labster: uh lust?
Arias Natina: heh, maybe gluttony on occasion, pretty soon if things don't change, wrath. my fantasies are are filled with horrific and destructive wrath.
Arias Natina: oh yes, definately lust.
Arias Natina: with so many counts against me on deadly sins, why am i still alive?
The Labster: okay, here's the thing. i think that nothing important can ever be accomplished alone. i've done a lot with my life, but i owe a lot of it to my family and my friends
Arias Natina: hehe, my bedroom should have caught fire by now...
The Labster: you're still alive because you have a reason to live. there is something for you to do still.
Arias Natina: some man or jealous woman should have killed me as the result of my infidelities by now
The Labster: at least that's why i think i'm still alive. i pray that i can accomplish my mission so that i can die sometime soon, but God seems to ignore me.
Arias Natina: my pride and not accepting help, it may leave me in quite a bind some day
Arias Natina: you are not ignored
Arias Natina: maybe put on the back burner, i dunno
The Labster: well, i will help you whenever you're ready.
Arias Natina: thank you
Arias Natina: but please, don't try to thrust it on me
The Labster: i can't.
Arias Natina: and if you make a joke outta that....
The Labster: well, i wasn't even thinking about it until you said it.
Arias Natina: heh
Arias Natina: okay, my bad
The Labster: but i *need* you to advance. you're my spiritual teacher, remember?
Arias Natina: agah?
Arias Natina: wha?
The Labster: when i asked you if i could morally go to Pantheacon, you gave this incredible explanation about universial truth.
The Labster: and so i asked if you would be my teacher.
Arias Natina: oh, yeah. so you did
Arias Natina: did i say yes?
The Labster: don't think so.
Arias Natina: *smacks hand to forhead* got any staples?
The Labster: lol yes. why?
Arias Natina: nevermind, silly reference about my obvious stupidity. but i suppose it's quite good that id din't say yes ^_^
The Labster: darn you, getting out of it.
Arias Natina: what? you asked me, i didn't say yes. what am i getting out of?
Arias Natina: especially with something I have no business being into!
The Labster: i think you do.
Arias Natina: me, a spiratual teacher, hah!
The Labster: you're way beyond me, sister.
Arias Natina: my ideas are fucking warped as all hell.
Arias Natina: oh?
The Labster: i know. and they match mine pretty well.
Arias Natina: hmmm
Arias Natina: i'll figure out how to re-write my brain to my liking. im always telling tohers that they can change their brains pathways. which is actually an idea i got from my mother.
The Labster: yeah. you can alter pathways. it tends to happen when an idea is repeated a lot
Arias Natina: i'll get past this thing where i am almost devoid of actionable motivation and ambition
The Labster: unused pathways go away, new pathways are built up when an idea is repeated
Arias Natina: i think it is related to coming off my medication and learnig to create my own momentum. an object in motion tends to stay in motion and an object at rest tends to stay at rest. so, i have to break inertia with my mental working juts the same is starting to move a heavy object
The Labster: yeah, true. but humans are more accurately described by differential equations. a lot of times we need an external forcing to jump to a new solution
Arias Natina: i noticed that when trying to move a heavy object, i have extreme trouble doing so. if get upset over it enough, i work up the anger and energy to do it and am filled with adrenaline and stuff. then it becomes incredibly easy
Arias Natina: hmm, you may be right in that analogy
Arias Natina: like medication being a sort of externally introcued force
Arias Natina: that's what I relied on for so long
The Labster: yeah differential equations describe how change relates to change. really useful in desribing natural systems.
Arias Natina: i want so bad to find it completely within myself though
Arias Natina: hmmm
The Labster: there's a wavelike/exponential term, a linear term (like the inertia you were talking about), a frictional term, and external forcings (at least in second order). i'm a nerd.
The Labster: then you have to disrupt yourself
Arias Natina: i think if i pcik up more knowledge, i might have some really great ideas of the workings of things and analogies to compare my thought processes to. then I can definately have a better point of reference to be able to work from in repairing myself. or would that be re-designing myself? both i think.
The Labster: more knowledge builds more neural pathways
Arias Natina: so more to work with eh?
Arias Natina: hmm, good idea
The Labster: and that's why philosophers love universities.
Arias Natina: i continually pick up self created and concluded knowledge that comes from my observations. when doing that, there is on ly a self created point of reference for accepting what is thought up or receiced, or interpretted. it makes for a lot of errors in judgment.
Arias Natina: i'm glad that i am quite often objective in my thoughts and opinions and quite willing to accept new ideas.
The Labster: yay!
Arias Natina: heh, i used to be quite the oposite, i don't know how i turned that around. I think it has to do with certain experinces that opened my eyes to my closed mindedness and steadfast stances grouned in programming and not first hand experiences
Arias Natina: i lost a friend that way. i was fully convinced that i need everyone to think like me and that i was right. i felt like it mattered for me to argue points and drill my vision into their heads.
The Labster: i think we're all programmed to some degree. that's really what discordianism is about.
Arias Natina: so not true. i figure now that it doesn't matter what everyone else thinks.
Arias Natina: oh?
The Labster: breaking the programming and being your own person
The Labster: 'don't believe what you read'
The Labster: the law of fives, too. "the more i look for fives, the more realize that everything is related to them"
The Labster: you find what you've been programmed to look for
Arias Natina: but in a way, it's forcing one's viewpoint on another. if a person were ready to change shit about themselves, they would. poking at them continuall until they see that the only way to be comfortable is to change is not good
The Labster: well, good discordians don't do that.
Arias Natina: i would hope not!
The Labster: i mainly use logic and debate.
Arias Natina: that's still fuxcking with people
The Labster: and my friends and i harass each other, but it's mainly to get us thinking about a topic
Arias Natina: but then again, logic and debate is pretty cool.
The Labster: by hearing another's point of view, you can either learn that you are wrong or think of a new reason that you are right
The Labster: or something totally different: a synthesis
Arias Natina: i guess it's pretty neat that anyone can feel passionate about getting the word out on their views
The Labster: oh, btw, you can tell me i'm wrong any time you want.
Arias Natina: i like to talk about what is in my head only when there is a recptive audience. otherwise, i feel like there is no use
Arias Natina: okay
The Labster: see, i like what's in your head. the pain there is just masking the greatness
Arias Natina: i can be opinionated sometimes and blatantly tell someone that an idea or beleif is hella wrong. but usually not
Arias Natina: hmmm, i suppose
Arias Natina: it's hard to think I'm anything great most times :p
The Labster: it works better when you tell them they're wrong, not hella wrong
Arias Natina: silly
The Labster: the whole idea is to get them in a debate where ideas can flow back and forth. attacks go nowhere. they're more funner, but don't work as well.
The Labster: of course, i'm a perpetual student, so my worldview is pretty skewed
Arias Natina: if it's on the internet, i'll learn it ^_^ lately, been to lazy and internet stuck to find any books
The Labster: damn it, me too. been meaning to read 20 things
Arias Natina: hehe
Arias Natina: damned internet addiction
The Labster: and since i like talking over philosophical stuff so much, it should be no surprise that i'm totally enamoured by you.
Arias Natina: :-) thanks
Arias Natina: well, I'm gonna get off of here
Arias Natina: this needs to be posted on my LJ/DJ
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[icon] *plasters another victim* - Hah! I am covered in flames!
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